The “down low” phenomenon is nothing new -- the name we call it is new. The term is often used to describe the behavior of men who have sex with other men as well as women and who do not identify as Gay or Bisexual. In 2004, men on the down low were further exposed when J.L. King, author of On The Down Low: A Journey Into the Lives of “Straight” Black Men Who Sleep with Men, appeared on the Oprah Winfrey Show to talk about his lived experience of being on the down low. Although the “down low” phenomenon is frequently associated with Black men, the behavior is not unique to them. For instance, Jim McGreevey, the former governor from New Jersey, is a white man who could be labeled as “down low.”
When Oprah’s show on the topic was being advertised, I waited with great anticipation for it to air. When I watched the show I realized that nothing in the show or about the down low applied to me personally. I found myself getting angry because I think this man and men like J. L. King have given themselves a pardon by refusing to identify themselves as gay or bisexual, when in fact and by definition they are (with a capital G or B). They are men with sexual desires toward other men.
Men on the down low receive a lot of criticism. I want people to be able to look at the “down low” in a different perspective. I want people to be able to see these men not as sexual culprits and perpetrators of bad behavior, but as people just like you and me. I think many of these men are in a place of darkness wanting to come out into the light, hoping to find true happiness within themselves and their family and friends.
I have found myself on both sides of this phenomenon: I understand it and yet I don’t. This is what I think: I think the fact that men live on the down low is due to the lack of tolerance in our society and the fact that nobody wants to be stigmatized or disowned or rejected because of their sexual orientation. The potential negative reactions from friends and family can force you to want to hide your difference from the mainstream. It is a natural human response and defense mechanism. Many of us are socialized to think that being heterosexual is the only way to be. Black men, in particular, are given the message that they are only men when they are overly masculine. Homosexuality is equated with femininity and seen as weak and unacceptable. The many pressures of family, friends and others to be the “norm” and like your heterosexual counterparts are always there. This is why I think that many Black men would much rather hide their sexual intentions to avoid possible rejection, stigmatism and to fit in, instead of living a life they desire and set on their own terms and not by social constructs.
The difficulty I have is understanding how a man on the down low can choose to live life everyday not embracing his own truth by being honest with not only himself, but with his wife/girlfriend, children, and partners with whom he sleeps , not to mention putting other people at risk for HIV/AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases (STDs).
I feel fortunate that I’ve found myself and live life everyday knowing and embracing my own truth, my Gay identity and my own philosophy. I would not have it any other way. If I did not choose to come out of the closet, I would not have the joy of being loved for who I am. I would not have the opportunity to know the people I have come in contact with, if it wasn’t for me being open about my sexual orientation. Being open about who I am has given me the advantage of knowing my place in the world. I have found my hunger to advocate for young LGBTQA people and empower them to be a voice and know they have the potential to change the world. Sexuality is a vital part of who we are as people. I believe that when we are open about our sexuality we have a chance to change people’s attitudes and hearts.
I hope that men like J.L. King will find the courage to live a life of truth and find true happiness in themselves. In the end, it is not about saving face, but about saving lives.
I wonder what you think about the down low phenomenon. Should these men be labeled as “down low?” Can we find common ground and find ways to help these men be true to themselves and others around them? Should we create networks to help them with their inner struggles with their sexuality?
When Oprah’s show on the topic was being advertised, I waited with great anticipation for it to air. When I watched the show I realized that nothing in the show or about the down low applied to me personally. I found myself getting angry because I think this man and men like J. L. King have given themselves a pardon by refusing to identify themselves as gay or bisexual, when in fact and by definition they are (with a capital G or B). They are men with sexual desires toward other men.
Men on the down low receive a lot of criticism. I want people to be able to look at the “down low” in a different perspective. I want people to be able to see these men not as sexual culprits and perpetrators of bad behavior, but as people just like you and me. I think many of these men are in a place of darkness wanting to come out into the light, hoping to find true happiness within themselves and their family and friends.
I have found myself on both sides of this phenomenon: I understand it and yet I don’t. This is what I think: I think the fact that men live on the down low is due to the lack of tolerance in our society and the fact that nobody wants to be stigmatized or disowned or rejected because of their sexual orientation. The potential negative reactions from friends and family can force you to want to hide your difference from the mainstream. It is a natural human response and defense mechanism. Many of us are socialized to think that being heterosexual is the only way to be. Black men, in particular, are given the message that they are only men when they are overly masculine. Homosexuality is equated with femininity and seen as weak and unacceptable. The many pressures of family, friends and others to be the “norm” and like your heterosexual counterparts are always there. This is why I think that many Black men would much rather hide their sexual intentions to avoid possible rejection, stigmatism and to fit in, instead of living a life they desire and set on their own terms and not by social constructs.
The difficulty I have is understanding how a man on the down low can choose to live life everyday not embracing his own truth by being honest with not only himself, but with his wife/girlfriend, children, and partners with whom he sleeps , not to mention putting other people at risk for HIV/AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases (STDs).
I feel fortunate that I’ve found myself and live life everyday knowing and embracing my own truth, my Gay identity and my own philosophy. I would not have it any other way. If I did not choose to come out of the closet, I would not have the joy of being loved for who I am. I would not have the opportunity to know the people I have come in contact with, if it wasn’t for me being open about my sexual orientation. Being open about who I am has given me the advantage of knowing my place in the world. I have found my hunger to advocate for young LGBTQA people and empower them to be a voice and know they have the potential to change the world. Sexuality is a vital part of who we are as people. I believe that when we are open about our sexuality we have a chance to change people’s attitudes and hearts.
I hope that men like J.L. King will find the courage to live a life of truth and find true happiness in themselves. In the end, it is not about saving face, but about saving lives.
I wonder what you think about the down low phenomenon. Should these men be labeled as “down low?” Can we find common ground and find ways to help these men be true to themselves and others around them? Should we create networks to help them with their inner struggles with their sexuality?
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There is so much to talk about related to the down low phenomenon -- Mack, I especially like that you pointed out it is not exclusive to black men. The behavior is nothing new; the media attention to it is. I recommend Keith Boykin's book, "Beyond the Down Low." Boykin defines the down low as cheating on a partner regardless of one's sexuality. He addresses what he sees as the implicitly racist and homophobic undertones of the media's coverage about the down low and he refutes many of King's perspectives on it, even going so far as to say King is contributing to the stereotypes about black men. (www.keithboykin.com)
ReplyDeleteI am not a member of the black community, but my life experiences have familiarized me with life in the inner city. Strong religious views and the need for a tough exterior to survive in the city tend to drive these men into living in secrecy. I think it is sad for those who are truly gay or bisexual and whose lives might be improved by being open about who they are. And yes, by definition if a man is having sexual relations with a man he is either gay or bisexual. However, I have encountered individuals that are only really interested in the sex part. To be open and to have a loving relationship with another man is not of interest - possibly due to the stigma or self discrimination or whatever. For those types, I don't know whether resources or support would be effective. But for those who are honest with themselves but the community in which they live stiffles them from being who they are, it's upsetting to see. Thanks for you comments, Mack
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