I wouldn’t necessarily advocate that anyone develop their sense of identity based on a bumper sticker, but who am I to question the source of enlightenment if it comes stuck to the back of a car? That’s where I found my favorite definition of the word “Queer:” bold or daring, brave, original, unrestrained by existing ideas or conventions, uninhibited.”
I love this reframe. Who wouldn’t want to be bold or daring or original? I hope I am those things at least some of the time. I think I was pretty brave when I came out to my family back in 1991. Back then I remember how hard it was for me to get comfortable with the word “lesbian” (not having met any that I knew of, the word still conjured up images of militant … well, I don’t know exactly what but militant something).
Since then, I’ve truly come to love the word “queer.” For me it captures my sense of my personal history, my feeling that I never quite fit in, and that was definitely true in my very traditionally-gendered family. If you go by the usual dictionary definitions, “queer” suggests that I am odd, strange, not “normal,” perhaps even deranged. These kinds of implications are just part of the historical reasons why “queer” became an insult.
But over time, I realized I like being odd, or outside the mainstream, to put it another way. Being “different” has helped me develop insight into the world around me, so I have come to value what is different about me. For example, I think I have gained insight into what other marginalized people face, whether that is prejudice based on race, or ability, or religion, or age or something else. Being queer helped me to develop the quality of empathy. Understanding the dynamics of oppression in a very personal way has made me a better ally to others. I also like the premise behind “queer theory,” to question the assumptions that are presented to us as “Knowledge” (with a capital K) but that are enveloped in heterosexist bias. How would our understanding of the world be different if our history weren’t written based on the assumption that only heterosexual people had ever existed?
I find the word “queer” to be personally empowering. I know this isn’t true for everybody in the LGBTQ/non-heterosexually identified world. I am sensitive to the fact that many people hate being called queer, often because it has been used against them as an especially vitriolic insult. I have heard that many LGBT people of color do not like the word queer. Some people who dislike the word are of the opinion that really they are not so different than the heterosexual, traditionally-gendered majority (i.e. "my sexuality is only one small part of me and really I have more in common with heterosexuals than I have differences with them").
On the other hand, there are also those who feel that the other potential labels of gay, lesbian, bisexual, heterosexual, male, or female, are too narrow; they don't fit into any of those boxes because they see themselves as somewhere in between or perhaps more than one, so they like the word queer because it feels more expansive to them.
Sometimes when I talk with students, they express the idea that “queer” is more accepted by younger people; “older people don’t like it,” they’ll say, and I find myself bristling at the easy generalization that this is simply a generational issue. There may be some truth to the idea that the term is more popular among people younger than me, but don’t box me in yet again. Age doesn’t equal mindset.
I wonder where other people fall on the “queer” spectrum, so to speak. Do you love the Q-word? Hate it? What does it mean to you? Should we as a community be using it to describe ourselves?
Since then, I’ve truly come to love the word “queer.” For me it captures my sense of my personal history, my feeling that I never quite fit in, and that was definitely true in my very traditionally-gendered family. If you go by the usual dictionary definitions, “queer” suggests that I am odd, strange, not “normal,” perhaps even deranged. These kinds of implications are just part of the historical reasons why “queer” became an insult.
But over time, I realized I like being odd, or outside the mainstream, to put it another way. Being “different” has helped me develop insight into the world around me, so I have come to value what is different about me. For example, I think I have gained insight into what other marginalized people face, whether that is prejudice based on race, or ability, or religion, or age or something else. Being queer helped me to develop the quality of empathy. Understanding the dynamics of oppression in a very personal way has made me a better ally to others. I also like the premise behind “queer theory,” to question the assumptions that are presented to us as “Knowledge” (with a capital K) but that are enveloped in heterosexist bias. How would our understanding of the world be different if our history weren’t written based on the assumption that only heterosexual people had ever existed?
I find the word “queer” to be personally empowering. I know this isn’t true for everybody in the LGBTQ/non-heterosexually identified world. I am sensitive to the fact that many people hate being called queer, often because it has been used against them as an especially vitriolic insult. I have heard that many LGBT people of color do not like the word queer. Some people who dislike the word are of the opinion that really they are not so different than the heterosexual, traditionally-gendered majority (i.e. "my sexuality is only one small part of me and really I have more in common with heterosexuals than I have differences with them").
On the other hand, there are also those who feel that the other potential labels of gay, lesbian, bisexual, heterosexual, male, or female, are too narrow; they don't fit into any of those boxes because they see themselves as somewhere in between or perhaps more than one, so they like the word queer because it feels more expansive to them.
Sometimes when I talk with students, they express the idea that “queer” is more accepted by younger people; “older people don’t like it,” they’ll say, and I find myself bristling at the easy generalization that this is simply a generational issue. There may be some truth to the idea that the term is more popular among people younger than me, but don’t box me in yet again. Age doesn’t equal mindset.
I wonder where other people fall on the “queer” spectrum, so to speak. Do you love the Q-word? Hate it? What does it mean to you? Should we as a community be using it to describe ourselves?
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Great post.
ReplyDeleteI do wonder if there are words some people can use, but not others. Historically, it's been a source of some power for, say, black people (and possibly other people of color, but I don't really know so much there) to reclaim the use of words that had been in the culture as words of horrible insult. They can call each .... wow, a word I can't even make myself type... and the use of it in that way helps to break its spiritually and culturally negative power. But, not being black, I feel more respectful by not going anywhere close to that word. It would be a different kind of political act for me to use it, if that makes sense.
Is "queer" like that?
I don't believe using or reclaiming a word that is/was used as an insult takes away its power or makes it any less offensive. To me, it's a convenient excuse for why people use self-deprecating language, or an excuse for some unknown reason people use derogatory language among others, like them, whom the offensive words were meant to hurt.
ReplyDeleteThe definition of queer on the bumper sticker in the blog is a nice description of how we would like others to view it. However, words develop meanings that no longer relate to their dictionary definition - hence, "gay", which has come to have a negative connotation of its own. People have the right to use whatever language they wish...freedom of speech...just please don't call ME queer. I am a person, like anyone else, who is in a loving relationship with another person.
I think it is true that because of the way certain words have been used as weapons of oppression, that they cannot be used appropriately by all persons. There is a similar phenomenon among different targeted groups to reclaim words to take away the stigma associated with them. But those words can still resonate with their history, so it is a different cultural and political act depending on who is using the word and what context.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate boywill's perspective and respect his position. Personally, I do believe in reclaiming language; but reclamation does not erase history, nor should it. Language evolves, it is not a static thing. Words come to have new and different meanings. But, when it comes to understanding the usage of reclaimed derogatory terms, context and intent are of critical importance.
Thanks for sharing your questions and perspectives.